its all right

Well , finally i'm able to sit down and pen down my thoughts.
decided to leave anyway, i lost focus on what i'm actually fighting for...
not sure wht i'm beliving in..

on the other note,
school has been a blast, well there are a few lssons i love:)

will blog more soon:)
off to more studying

Monday, March 22, 2010

well, i don't have to go after all.
mixed emotions...
I got to let go...

ps.i still wished i had a chance...but i know

Yellow

I just realised i have a little over 10 days left before i go.
Well, i'm really prayin that i dont really have to leave after all...
anyways had a really great time tonight.
lets hope we'll have more get aways soon:)

ps.just remember all the times we had together.

shadows feel an empty heart...

Sometimes things dont always just appear so simple and naive.
maybe all u knew was just the surface.
Well, people always judge me based on my character and attitude.
honestly i'm really alright with people judging me but do u really know what i'm going through?
sometimes people make comments before even knowing the full story, but if u had been through what i have been.
it would be totally different.
Every time i'd ask u to forgive me and perhaps other things , you'd always bring him in.
asking me why i haven forgiven him all these while.

Maybe the real truth is that i have.
it took me a really long time to even decide to do it.
nights after nights i would just sit down on my bed in the dark and just start tearing.
DID U EVEN KNOW HOW I FELT AT THAT TIME.
Everyone's talking about how much they hate backstabbers.
Well at least know i can tell u i had a fair share of being back stabbed and having the person i hold so close to my heart being taken away.
sometimes even the simplest things can make u melt down...

some times just because i don't say or even mention doesn't mean that i'm alright with it.
DID U EVEN KNOW HOW LONG I TOOK TO FINALLY LET GO...
WHY DO U ALL JUST KEEP COMMENTING AND SAYING STUFF...
the real fact is that i haven really actually gotten over her...
i'd walk pass the place we used to go and i'll just reminiscence of the times we spent together...
and after that i'll just wipe way the tears....
i cired out so many times, let house to cool down and to get a breath, even thought of just ending it so so many times....

it isnt why i wannna forgive him...
when i heard abt what he did...
it just broke my heart....
what happenned to the girl i knew...
the girl i could trust....

sometimes forgivin isnt always so easy...
i haven told her i'm leavin yet, i'm still thinkin...
i guess i'd just leave quietly....

ps.. i hope u understand.

Aint got much time left...

Well, some off u guys might know what my title means.
for those who dont its alright. You'll find out 10 mins before i go.
Well, cried all i wanted begged all i wanted. Stayin positive.

On a lighter note, at least i went to ikea today for dinner since its been so long since i had dinner there.
came home really shacked...
tuesday maybe badminton or gym with the shingz ppl:)

ps.. i'd go pass the places we used to walk by and just reminiscence the times we spent together in each other's arm.

Cross-roads..

Well, this few days since the start of the week has been great.
Well thats because i got a new phone and stuff.

Today has been really tiring for me...
cycled from home to boon lay and back...
got knocked down by a car today though, should have just bleed to death
but i got away kindoff unhurt, just a few scratches there and there.


Ps. u haven been online for days, i texted u but u didnt reply. i miss u

innocence

we used to be close...
there's more than meets the eye...

ps. baby i'm yours..i'll wait

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

There’s nothing I can say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me
All the pain the tears they cry
Still you never said goodbye and now I know how far you’d go
I know I let you down but its not like that now
This time I’ll never let you go

I will be all that you want and get my self together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life I’ll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make every thing OK

I thought that I had every thing I didn’t know what life could bring
But now I see honestly
You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe cause your here with me
And if I let you down I’ll turn it all around
Cause I would never let you go

I will be all that you want and get my self together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life I’ll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make every thing OK

Cause with out you I can’t sleep
I’m not gonna ever ever let you leave
You’re all I got
You’re all I want
Yeah
And with out you I don’t know what I’ll do
I could never ever live a day with out you
Here with me do you see your all I need

And I will be all that you want and get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life (my life) I will be with you forever
To get you through the day and make every thing OK

I will be (I’ll be) all that you want and get my self together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
And all my life you know I will be with you forever
To get you through the day and make every thing OK

i tried but each time i fail...

Friday, February 12, 2010

this chinese new year doesnt really seem to be a chinese new year to me somehow or rather, i just feel its like celebrating another big ocasion.
the mood's not right...
i haven even bought new shirts, expt for 2 burberry shirts...
doesnt feel like CNY
just doing it for the ang poas..

Friday, February 11, 2010

whats there to say? its just 1 more day away from chinese new year...
honestly i cant wait to collect my ang poas baby:)
WOOHOOOO...
i love the colour red in a packet:)
got to turn in now, got to fking work tmr..:(

Thursday, February 10, 2010

just came home, tired.
Have u ever sent a message and held your phone in your hands just waiting for that one reply to come and brighten up your day?
Tried talking to you, but i know you're busy with all your work...
i totally understand. Well, i guess i can only cheer u on from the side lines. I just love seeing you smile, i love your cute bubbly attitude towards everything. Its the little gesture between you and me that i love so much. I love looking into your eyes and winking at you just to see u break into a smile. I'll always be there for u come what may, i promise.

"As soon as forever is through, I'll be over you"
LOVe, lennard

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Feels like i spent all this time talking to walls
Feels like i gotta let go of the way it was before
Are your really there? are you made of stone?
Am i talking to someone or am i here all alone

Are you alive, don't you feel, feel, feel?
Show me you're here, show me your tears
Don't your feel, feel, feel, feel?
Show me, hold me, speak up and tell me something
Change my mind before it's too late
Are you alive, show me you're human
Can't you feel, feel, feel, feel?

Seems like you're stuck in a daze, slipping away, away
I'm sick of trying to reach you, can't you say what's on your mind
Baby we're losing the race to far behind, behind
Tell me that i'm not the only one who can try, who can fight the wall

Are you alive, don't you feel, feel, feel?
Show me you're here, show me your tears
Don't your feel, feel, feel, feel?
Show me, hold me, speak up and tell me something
Change my mind before it's too late
Are you alive, show me you're human
Can't you feel, feel, feel, feel?

Sometimes the words they don't get through
What really speaks is what you do
Open up, let me inside, just wanna find you

Are you alive, are you, are you?
Show me you're here, show me your tears
Don't your feel, feel, feel, feel?
Show me, hold me, speak up and tell me something
Change my mind before it's too late
Are you alive, show me you're human
Can't you feel, feel, feel, feel?

Whoa, wake up, are you dead?

Saturday, February 05, 2010

i thought letting go of you would be easy. told myself i'll get over this...
the first few months were quite drainin for me, i really thought it would be as easy as said.
but the fact was that it wasnt quite the way i wanted it to be, basically cried myself to sleep each night...
i really didnt wanna let go of u...our relationship was the only true relationship that was actually real and not for casual fun.
these few months been keeping myself busy with work and things to do just to get u out of my mind..
i guess until yst when someone i met told me wht u did with him..
i just felt like crying... been lying to myself the whole time...
i really thought i got u out of my mind...
my heart just broke into so much pieces...
never did i once believed wht the others said about u, but i guess people dont lie after all...
i tried hating u but i cant...its so hard, i just cant bring myself to hate u..
when i said i missed u i really did...
i guess there isnt such a thing as a fairy tale ending...

Friday, February 05, 2010

did basically nothing much today except for the fact i woke up at 3 in the afternoon.
Anyway i also dont know wht to post:) just blogged for fun
the weekends are almost here.
Excited to slack:)
k bye:)

Sunday, January 31, 2010

i didnt do it mel :(
just believe me :(

Sunday , January 31, 2010

Everybody knows that I was such a fool to ever let go of you
Baby I was wrong
Yeah I know I said we'd be better off alone
It was time that we moved on
I know I broke your heart, I didn't mean to break your heart
But baby here I am

Banging on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised and I'm crawling back to you
Begging for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in?
I was running from the truth and now I'm crawling back to you

I know you're in there and you can make me wait
But I'm not goin' away
It's the least that I can do, just to tell you face to face
I was lying to myself, now I'm dying in this hell
Girl I know you're mad, I can't blame you for being mad
But baby here I am

Banging on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised and now I'm crawling back to you
Begging for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in?
I was running from the truth and now I'm crawling back to you

If you could see these tears I'm crying
Touch these hands that can't stop shaking
Hear my heart that's barely beating
You will see a different man

But baby here I am
Banging on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised and I'm crawling back to you (come on)
Begging for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in? (let me in)
I was running from the truth, now I'm crawling back to you

Banging on your front door (darling)
My pride spilled on the floor
I was running from the truth, now I'm crawling back to you, yeah
Now I'm crawling back to you
Crawling back to you
Crawling back to you
Crawling back to you



P.s : let me back into your heart once more

Friday, January 29, 2010

Well, there's kindoff nothing much for me to update, but i'll just do it anyway.
Alright last night jon and sayyid both called me around 12 plus to go chill with them, so i went and we ended up doing stupid stuff went home around 3 plus after eating. On the way home i was on the phone with ********** so yea we chatted about how we felt and stuff la. REached home and we talked even more, but it was quite alright for me as i was in my room touching up on my portfolio for fun. Slept around 5 plus had a good nights rest till 2 in the afternoon today. Got up started doing my work till i went out just now. Ate 2 packets of rice for dinner just now, hungry.

Tmr's Service, Got to wear formal:( boooo
i hate the feeling of being pang sei:(
you know who i'm talking about:(

ps. Girl you're my chill pill

Thursday, January 28, 2010

It's time to let go and let GOD.
Well today i went to NYP again for my interview for diploma in space and interior. I personally felt it went well. As in cause i happen to know the lecturers over there so it was more like a friendly talk instead of a formal Question and answer session. I'm really confident about the interview results, the lecturers were pretty impressed with my portfolio and my works so i didnt have a hard time trying to convince them. But i promised them i would retake my o lvl's again. Now just need a keep praying for GoD to do a miricle in my life.

though about u today:( i missed u badly...

i'll end on this note :God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.- Reinhold Niebuhr

ps. baby, the smile on your face keeps me going.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Gosh, this whole week plus last week has been nothing short of a hectic week.
Haven been blogging cos i had 1289869696 actvites and things that need to be done, datelines to meet.
Super tired la, but its worth it. Anyway although it's been hectic for me, but still i thank GOD for the people he placed around me, to cheer me up and to lift my spirit :) Seriously sleeping at 5 plus everyday night is not a joke. So much work left to do but i just cant take it anymore, SO I'M GONA CRASH NOW, like finally.

Anyway today i went to NYP to accompany Sayyid my best friend:) for his interview as long as to submit my portfolio which i forgot to give:) i wasnt shortlisted for the interview. But after they looked through my portfolio, they called me to have a last minute interview. I'm just glad in a way cos this thursday i'm also going for another interview:) YIPPY:). So now i'm rushing my portfolio now.

Anyways i'll just let the pictures do the talking.

i bought sayyid this cute cupcake, i felt it represented him:)
i'll end here. Good night

ps : i'll wait till we're both ready, i promise

Saturday, January 23, 2010

back from cgm. Well's today's cgm was quite ok, considering i having been going for cgm for weeks. Felt the songs we sang today was just right.
I'have come to realise old songs we used to sing are actually more meaningful over time. Results for postings are gona be out soon. I really pray that a poly can accept me into the course. Submitted loads of application form. Travelled from west-noth-south-east, went to all the poly to submit my application. spent a huge amount of time settling all the paper work. REsults are gona be out soon but i'm still gona remain super positive. Pray for me pls. Spent alot of days thinking when i got my results. just hoping for the best now. PRAY FOR ME:) thanks

I'll end on this note : " We do not see because we have eyes, we see because there is light. The amount of light you carry determines your glow." -Doflynn Boakai

ps: i fell flat on my face for you, girl i know you're the one, things wont be the same again but trust me we'll make it right this time.

Friday , January 22, 2010

I know my dates to my entries arre screwwed up. but who cares : )
Just came home from town, have showered yet though. But planning to late. So we were just walking around aimlessly trying to search for things to buy. But honestly when you're going to town almost every week, i guessed u have seen it all. Its like going through the same routine again and again just that it never gets tiring. Today's also quite a good day for me, for the simple fact that i slept till 3 in the afternoon. Woke up to 8 messages and 6 miss calls. Dam its just so irritating i love my phone but...its just so irritating. so many messages in the morning can kill.

I'll end on this note: " Once your motivation is inner illumination then you enter into the true power of prayer." -Mary Michelle

p.s: trust me we'll make it right

Thursday , January 21, 2010

Alright today was kind of a great day for me. Although i didnt do much from the time i woke up till 6.30. Some how i just had a random to thought to meet up with yanni & elieen both very sweet girls from w414:) for dinner. It was kindoff super unplanned, messy but still somehow we had dinner around 9. Actually we were supposed to meet around 7 at jurong point. Alright so elieen was late and yanni was doing her project with her friend in the library. That besides the point, i reached around 6.55 so i just sat outside Sk jewellary listening to my music. Well i have fallen in love with soulful music. Ok so i sat there and watched the sky turn dark. Well had a moment to think at that point. I realise i love to have moments at unexpected places doing nothing. Well so after dinner we decided to go starbucks to chill while we watch miss teeee do her work. Ended up helping her think :) its fun to help others do projects after all.

Well tomorrow's is gona be a busy day for me. Got errands to ran things need to be done.
i guess i'll end on this note : " Personality is who we are and what we do when everybody is watching. Character is who we are and what we do when NOBODY is watching." Pete W. Zafra


Ps: i love u for who u are, things wont be the same again but we could make it work

Wednesday, January 19, 2010

Finally back to blogging after a long while. Well, today has been a great day for me.
caught a movie finally. Been dying to do so but i never did have much time plus besides i was just plain lazy to decide what show to catch anyway. i dont know if this is considered a review but. I'd love to give it a shot. Alright so i caught ITS COMPLICATED today with ming, darren,wee,garrick and ming's friend. Initially i was like what's that show, i know i heard it some where before but i just didnt ring any bell for me. Alright so we were at the ticket counter decicding if we wanted to watch a love story or a action packed show. But the seats played a part la. Though we were seated fourth row from the front still lets just be thankful that there was enough seats for us.

I felt this movie is really great personally. To me it captured the true meaning of falling in love in the most romantic and cliche moment. The sets were gorgeous and the rest were just breath taking. This show kindoff gets u thinking, i mean at the age of 40plus with kids that have grown up and are moving out of the house to start a new life. Well its gona happen and when it happens usually its gona be a very lonely journey till death do us part. But this show shows that its not all that lonely after all. Well if you're still married then at least u can still find the romance in your relationshop. For me i just love everything about this movie, well its speaks alot about our daily lives. I love the house, i love the nice stone drive in, i mean the kitchen is just the kind of kitchen u would think about all day. I love the wooden swing by the porch haning under the tree. In future i would love to grow old with my wife living in such a beautiful house having a nice garden and we would sit on the swing all day long and talk like best friends until the sun goes down. I just cant say how much i love the swing, not in the physical part but its just the fact that i love talking to the person i love so dearly like best friend.

Anyway after the movie, we went to eat then we parted ways. Took 188 back. I remember "u" telling me how much u love long bus rides with me. Everytime i passed places we vist it just brings back sweet memorise. Its been a long time. just hard to let go


Ps: i'll wait, things will nvr be the same again but its alright.